This is around the time that I start to let little things slide. The time when my actual lifestyle isn't meshing with my new regime. I get frustrated and cheat. That's right, I said it...cheat.
When I cheat I get really hard on myself. It's a cyclical thing.
I feel my self judgement is somewhat justified...
The process is this. I don't want to do something. I'm tempted by something. I may not full on give in but I dabble. I feel bad. I get frustrated and down and then all caution to the wind I full blown cheat. WHAT?
I can see it coming, it's like deep down I want to get discouraged so I can justify cheating. It's like this inner psychological battle in trying to trick my self, though if I stop for a second I can see what's going on.
This is why I feel I can be annoyed with myself. I'm sure that everyone goes through this to a degree. I feel like I'm too sneaky even for myself.
I had a noodle soup the other day - processed with wheat noodles.... And the next day, chicken and gravy... I even skipped dance by staying at work late... the downward spiral is beginning.
I had a really great sleep last night, I think this is where I went wrong to start with. I had 2 terrible sleeps over the weekend, I'm hormonal and tired. All goes down the tubes when this happens. SEE?! Everything is connected.
Cyclical.
Grace.
Grace has to fit into the circle. It can't just be a negative cycle. I can't get stronger and wiser if I'm doing the right thing out of self loathing or defeat.
I'm going to start fresh today. I had a rough week last week. I shall move on and learn from this sneaky deviant inside. It won't get the best of me.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Monday, March 5, 2012
2 Weeks Into Lent
Well I have to say that things are going well. Not perfect, but pretty good.
My food stuff for the most part has been good. I cheated once this week because I was over at a friends for dinner and his dad bought dessert for us... it was worth it. I think I need to eat a bit more. I resort to not eating if I can't think of anything. But for the most part I've been eating 3 times a day at least.
Sleep regime is a little more challenging. I have been pretty good about getting to bed early, but I was reading a good book so I would end up reading for a couple hours which kind of defeats the purpose. I need to make an effort to do that.
Exercise has been pretty good. I've been going to dance 3 times a week which I love. How many people can say that about their exercise? I will do some yoga today. I've been weighing myself and I've lost a couple pounds and inches, most of which was water but I don't care, I look and feel better. I've actually noticed my skin looking so much better. I look flush and healthy. It's amazing what a difference taking our processed crap out of a diet can make such a difference. And I'm still eating sugar, just in the form of honey. I have some honey everyday and I still feel great.
Meditation has been more challenging with not sleeping as much as I should. I have been getting through my readings but I need to improve this for a more meaningful time.
My food stuff for the most part has been good. I cheated once this week because I was over at a friends for dinner and his dad bought dessert for us... it was worth it. I think I need to eat a bit more. I resort to not eating if I can't think of anything. But for the most part I've been eating 3 times a day at least.
Sleep regime is a little more challenging. I have been pretty good about getting to bed early, but I was reading a good book so I would end up reading for a couple hours which kind of defeats the purpose. I need to make an effort to do that.
Exercise has been pretty good. I've been going to dance 3 times a week which I love. How many people can say that about their exercise? I will do some yoga today. I've been weighing myself and I've lost a couple pounds and inches, most of which was water but I don't care, I look and feel better. I've actually noticed my skin looking so much better. I look flush and healthy. It's amazing what a difference taking our processed crap out of a diet can make such a difference. And I'm still eating sugar, just in the form of honey. I have some honey everyday and I still feel great.
Meditation has been more challenging with not sleeping as much as I should. I have been getting through my readings but I need to improve this for a more meaningful time.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)